Come with me, on a journey with me.

Hi! My name is Tara. I’ve always been a little bit different. I look at things and try super hard to make the best out of stuff, but it is so much harder than anyone really gets. Unless they have known me a long time. Thank god I finally found people I want to be in my life forever. I’ve pushed so many people away and I just had this shut off valve in my brain to turn off the love I had for them. It is sick and a part of me I hate the most. I’ll talk about that soon. Pretty much everything I’ve written so far has to do with the fact that I have BPD, Borderline Personality Disorder. I am positive I’ve had it for pretty much my whole life. I have been searching for the right therapist, doctor or anyone that handles mental illness to help me. A few months ago, after seeing my new therapist, she finally answered what is wrong with me. Let me tell ya. Being able to put a name to it really helped. Once my session finished I was able to read a little about it. I felt validated for the first time by a professional. I now understand what has been torturing me my whole life. And now, with therapy 2x a week plus a support group every week, I can start rebuilding my brain. I know I have a very long road ahead of me and I know it won’t ever be cured, but I am learning little by little how to make life not terrifying anymore. I’m writing this blog for two reasons. One is because I don’t want to forget what I’ve gone through, because it shows what I’m fighting to move on from. Two is I got inspiration from a fellow warrior in a facebook support group. It is called: Born Under The Gaslight: A Memoir of My Descent Into Borderline Personality Disorder by Cindy Collins. It is on Amazon and she tells her very hard story and really shows how she got BPD and what the disease entails. I feel like I get a lot out of learning from others. It helps to know that all the awful things I do and say aren’t just because I’m a terrible person, it comes from what the disease does to all of us. How we react is unique yet similar. I know that just doesn’t make sense, but once i start my deep dive into it with you i think you’ll understand. There are 9 traits that professionals use to diagnose us and if a person has 6 or more of them the diagnosis is given. There are a few different ways to treat it. Every story we share is unique but the more we learn about each other the more we start to understand ourselves. I apologize that my first post is long, I just don’t want anyone that isn’t ready for or might get triggered by my stories to get hurt. If you are still reading, thank you. I hope I can help someone like my groups help me. (points if you can figure out where the title of this post came from.) Here we go…

Author:

I am sharing my story of why and how I developed BPD and what I am doing to rebuild myself.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s