Disclaimer: I have a problem with my thought process. Racing thoughts are always happening. The most frustrating part is how fast I forget. I know my anxiety fucks with a lot of my brain responses. I get that. I just have so many things I want to say and before I can get a word out I’ve lost it. And it doesn’t come back. What I wanted to say at the beginning of this was I might not go chronologically with how I tell my story. Because I want to be completely open I kind of have to go with what is right in front of everything else. Also, I might post multiple times a day and then nothing for a little while. I have to be careful not to let myself spiral into the void for hours. Yeah that happens more than I like to admit. It is a form of disassociating and I know it bothers my husband which only makes me feel like a useless piece of shit. That is my go to because of everything built up for a good 20 years. Bit by bit you’ll see what I mean. I’m gonna try damn hard to keep this going. I always feel like anything I do or make isn’t good enough. That’s just me, not from friends and my husband. I have grown to really hate myself and I’m my own worst enemy. Anyway. I am realizing I have a lot to say when I can focus so fair warning these posts might be long. I’ve proved that in my first two posts and I guess that’s how this might be. Ok. I’ve bored you enough with my rambling. See you soon, hopefully.