The start

This isn’t an easy story. TW: sexual abuse

I am going to talk about my parents a good amount. There is a lot to say. But I want to start off with the lies. Not long after I was born, my father divorced my mother and signed his rights away to not have to pay child support.

My first birthday my mother brought Don home. He was her boss. He wanted to “celebrate the day with me”. He even brought me a present. Of course I liked him he bribed me with toys. I didn’t know I was supposed to have a dad yet so when Don moved in 6 months later I didn’t think anything of it.

Everything was good and i was happy. When i went to kindergarten I learned it isn’t normal not to have a dad. I went home amd asked my m where my dad was. I only had a Don. She told me he was in the army and at war. I didn’t know any better I was 5. Then my grandmother got cancer and my mom stayed with her for about 2 months. She left me alone with Don.

I had a bunny named Flower my grandmother got for me. The day mom left Don got my jump rope, tied him up to something and shot him with a water gun. And I had to watch. I went to bed that night crying and scared and needed my mom. I finally fell asleep. I had a nightmare and ran to my mom’s room. Don was watching porn and was naked. He made me come in and jerk him off. He touched me after and covered my mouth and hurt me. My ptsd has blocked out the rest of that night. He did this the whole time she was gone.

My grandmother died and I was devastated. She took care of me every weekend and vacation. I never told my mom.

I think I’m done for now. That was a lot and I need some time.

Author:

I am sharing my story of why and how I developed BPD and what I am doing to rebuild myself.

5 thoughts on “The start

  1. No child deserves that. It was not your fault and I am so sorry for your pain. Virtual hugs sent while hoping you find the healing that you deserve. Thank you for your bravery. It can be scary being one voice speaking out. But that one voice can inspire another and then another. Know that your voice is not alone.

    Like

    1. Your voice is the one that started me on my path to healing Cindy and I am eternally grateful. Thank you for your support! I feel that with every word I type I am starting to let go.

      Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much. We are all so lucky to have others that understand and want to help each other. Your kind words gave me a feeling of warmth and I appreciate you so much.

      Liked by 1 person

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