The people that haunt you don’t have to be dead to torture you. Even if they aren’t remotely in your life anymore. Those are the ones that come to you while you sleep. They come to you when things are calm and you suddenly get hit with pain. Anguish.

I woke up crying again. My father. He fucking still can destroy me even though we never met. It’s a LONG story for another day but I know what he looks like. He tried to gaslight me and I almost let him. Anyway. In the dream we were in a car and he was driving. I asked him how my sister’s baby is. He told me to keep her(my sister) name out of my mouth. I asked him why he chose her and not me and my brothers. He said she was a fighter. I screamed and grabbed the wheel to crash the car. Then I woke up. Crying. Devastated.

Why can the people who hurt you the most still effect us this way? Because we let them. Subconsciously or whatever. There are some things we can’t let go of I guess.


I am sharing my story of why and how I developed BPD and what I am doing to rebuild myself.

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