Yesterday another jackass almost hit me on the highway. After I had hit a bird and finished crying. The guy didn’t give two shits that he freaked me out. Why does this keep happening? Because it is triggering as hell and I’m getting paranoid to drive at all.
I think because of the two things that happened my brain was exhausted. I lay in bed, about to fall asleep and all these intrusive thoughts started. Josh is getting a cold so he is obviously going to die and leave me all alone. I saw visions of sitting in planned parenthood 18 years ago, getting the pill to end my pregnancy. My cats are going to die. Don is dead in front of me.
It was bad. I kept focusing on my breathing and talking myself down from each one. They just kept coming. I don’t know what time I finally fell asleep. But I woke up and they were still there. As the day goes on they are quieting but they keep coming back. BPD brain is literally torture.