Waiting for the thunder

Things have been pretty quiet in my head the last two weeks. I started my garden and am spending a lot of time outside and I think that has really helped. But the constant wait for the intrusive thoughts and panic attacks was starting to take it’s toll on me.

Saturday a lady went off on me because she was a bad driver. I literally said nothing and didn’t do anything to cause her reaction. I didn’t deserve it.

And because driving is one of my triggers now it set off the racing thoughts and a full blown panic attack. She got in my head and is living there rent free with some of the other awful people I’ve encountered. And she keeps creeping in fucking with my head.

So here we are again. Back to “normal”. I sat outside this morning and ate my first strawberry from my garden and that was an amazing moment. But that idiot is still bothering me. It was right in my condo by my house. The odds of seeing her again are pretty high and that is really bothering me.

Anyway. Enjoy a picture of my strawberry and me enjoying her.

Author:

I am sharing my story of why and how I developed BPD and what I am doing to rebuild myself.

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